The most important step when carrying or holding your newborn is to support your baby's head and neck at all times. Seeing other people hold her, even the people I loved most, made me feel like a part of me was missing. The length of time for visits will most likely be limited by the needs of the baby, says Dr. Alexander. Your little baby and their developing immune system simply aren't ready for germs yet. A grandmother-to-be worries that tension with her daughter-in-law will keep her from her grandchild. Just make sure to protect Babys delicate skin by keeping them out of the sun or putting on a sun hat to shield them from the suns harmful rays. 6. Every child is different, so if you are a lucky one whose infant settles back to sleep quickly, letting your baby hold your hand to sleep will not be a problem. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); The stories you care about, delivered daily. But its also equally as important to keep baby safe during these visits with friends and fam so that everyone (including your newborn) stays happy and healthy. Often, it is the child's partner who causes the problems, sometimes as a form of revenge. Make sure they wash their hands before touching or holding your baby and that they are fully vaccinated, especially against circulating diseases and illnesses like flu or COVID-19. 6. Your email address will not be published. 1. family before she was born that we would not be letting anyone hold her Wire service provided by AFP and Press Association. Want to win a copy of psychotherapist Philippa Perrys new book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read? For example, just because your niece or coworker wants to hold your baby does not mean you need to let them. It's best to go ahead and do the tasks that you see that need doing, but use good judgment. Sorry, I registered just so I could ask this question and get feedback. EACH WEEK IN our series,Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who cant figure out what to do about a tricky parenting situation. Newborns can't see anything at birth. your doctor. Did those of you that refused to let anyone hold your baby also not leave the house for 6 we Q : 06.25.10 W : 01.11.13 #3 : due 11.02.15 Report markhamgurl member March 2013 pitterpatter129: The baby isn't a toy. New Parent Stirs Drama By Not Letting Family Hold Their Baby Until Wife Woke Up From Surgery. Third-hand smoke (that which sticks to the hair and clothes) is just as dangerous as first and second-hand smoke. Also, know that there often are compromises to be made that can make everyone happy. RSV Cases Surge Across the U.S., What To Know and How To Protect Your Kids, How to Prepare for Your First Day Home With Your New Baby, The Best Infant Car Seats for Your Precious Cargo, The 11 Best Baby Wraps and Slings of 2023, A Complete Guide To Your Baby's Five Senses, The 7 Best Pacifiers for Newborns of 2023. The mother may not want visitors when she is not looking or feeling her best, as may be the case after childbirth. Why would parents do this to grandparents? Smokers should not hold the baby for at least half an hour after smoking. Then she passes by that little baby face, and . Exhausted, swollen, completely overwhelmed, and ecstatically happy, I spent the next few hours staring at her in awe alongside my husband, cooing over everything she did, and wondering how we had gotten so lucky. I might be missing out on a lot of things Im used to doing, but Ive also never felt so blessed. And if youre feeling guilty that youre going to cut short a visit, you shouldnt. Not supporting the small family of three and taking back any egoistic thoughts is just outrageous, if not . Sohere's what you can say: "You're so sweet. Readers like you keep news free for everyone. Baby wants to hold my hand to sleep. Her work has been published in numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites, including Activity Connection,Glamour, PDX Parent, Self, TripSavvy,Marie Claire,and TimeOut NY. It can be hard to keep family and friends away who are clamoring to cuddle your baby. Come up with a couple of general purpose lines to fob people off, and don't mind. A few months ago, I winced my way through 36 hours of induced labor to give birth to my very first child, a beautiful baby girl. advertising. All Rights Reserved. It's not your baby. What if I was doing the wrong thing by having my daughter so surrounded by other people in the first few days of her life? A few months ago, I. The moment the nurses placed her on my chest, my entire world changed. Or carry your baby in a carrier or . Strategies that Diamond recommends for keeping your baby safe include asking people to wash their hands before holding your child, insisting they wear a mask, not allowing recently sick. Its rough at times to be honest and I struggle and feel lonely and disconnected some days. News images provided by Press Association Can definitely confirm that everything everyone says about the first few days of being a parent is true. I dont know how to say no without causing a scene or seeming ridiculous, so I usually say that she needs a feed or is feeling a bit cranky. And dad can help out with stroller walks, diaper changes, housework, and other things as well, to help you feel less overwhelmed. They never mentioned the FLU/sickness etc.. Second to the "toy" folks, please read pos. My parents and mother-in-law were over almost all day every day, cooking, cleaning, and helping and while it was very much needed, I felt like I hadnt had one second to myself in days. Moms with newborns - not letting people hold your baby? I really dont like it when other people hold my baby. Cradle your baby with the arm that's on the same side as the breast your baby will be nursing from. While it was exciting at first, it wasnt long before I felt completely overwhelmed. Yes, you read right; wear your baby. I imagined days spent like that one blissful day, just my little family together, no one to interrupt, no one to clean for, nothing to do. "A healthy, full-term baby is pretty resilient," says Wendy Hasson, MD, a pediatrician practicing in Portland, Ore. Most newborns need eight to 12 feedings a day about one feeding every two to three hours. Some people are being understanding, others are not. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. Make sure to support your baby's head. Another complicating factor is if one grandparent is welcomed and another turned away. To snuggle skin to skin, eye-to-eye, face-to-face, breathing in his sweet new baby smell while he breathes . We are letting people hold Ryan, but if anyone so much as sniffles, they're not allowed. Create an email alert based on the current article, The Explainer is a weekly podcast from TheJournal.ie that takes a deeper look at one big news story you need to know about. I in fact never asked to hold him, only GM and GF did. Newborns are so delicate, and parents often wonder when is the right time to allow visitors to hold their baby. The information on this website is of a general nature and available for educational purposes only and Most newborns feed every two to three hours, followed by a nap. So visits should not interfere with this routine to ensure that the baby has sufficient time for both. She may need to be changed or fed, or simply needs your comfort after being handled by people she doesnt know. I cant look at her without crying happy tears. It's a brand new baby and they're still in the hospital. Hold your baby. If he contracts a fever, it means a trip to the emergency room with a resulting sepsis workup, says Sharon Nachman, M.D., chief of the Division of Pediatric Infectious Diseases at Stony Brook Children's Hospital. Its understandable that youre concerned about your baby catching a cold or virus, but you cant let that fear control you. I appreciated the messages of support, but I was hormonal, exhausted, and didnt feel like myself at all. 3. Feb 26, 2023 at 7:47 PM. It felt like heaven. This week, one first-time mum asks if refusing to engage in Pass The Baby is acceptable or just plain rude. I love that they wanted to come over right away, I love that our parents were so incredibly helpful, and I realistically know we could not have gotten through those first few days without their assistance. All rights reserved. Me: unexplained infertility - annovulatory Here are a few things that every parent should keep in mind before allowing visitors to hold the baby: A few ideas to help you do so without being offensive towards anybody. But just on the father/husband side, the mothers parents arrive today. Journal Media does not control and is not responsible But it's not a healthy practice: The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) warns against bed-sharing because it increases a baby's risk for SIDS. Today's mothers live in a fairly different world. The #1 app for tracking pregnancy and baby growth. They also offer support and. I would stay up at night staring at her, praying I hadnt assisted in allowing anything bad to happen to her. Try not to expose your newborn (less than one month of age) to more people than necessary, and avoid all people with infectious diseases like colds and the flu! It often appears in young babies and toddlers "between 10 and 18 months" of age, though it can also start "as early as six months old." An image showing an adult holding a baby. Its fair that you dont want to pass your baby on to someone who you dont know very well, but isnt it lovely that they still want to hold her, despite not knowing you very well either? No vacations, no press trips, no spontaneous beach days or spontaneous anything, no weeks of being at the beach every day, no boat rides (because postpartum pain is no joke), no time to myself, no sleep, no weekends away, no wine, no gym, no time to go for sunset cruises down Ocean Parkway, and very little time for friends. In other words, bed-sharing is one way of co-sleeping. When we asked to hold him (baby) they just said no. Everyone washes their hands. Visits from friends and family started to become exciting; they gave me a chance to socialize and see other adults. Her work has been published in numerous magazines, newspapers, and websites, including Activity Connection,Glamour, PDX Parent, Self, TripSavvy,Marie Claire,and TimeOut NY. Mariana Sifrit contracted viral meningitis . Sarah Vanbuskirk is a writer and editor with 20 years of experience covering parenting, health, wellness, lifestyle, and family-related topics. Flu. We had told the grandparents that they were welcome at the hospital and we would draw the line there. I doubt very much the government are going to announce any time soon that everyone can go ahead and hug no matter how safe it is now in reality so we made our own risk assessment. Answer (1 of 8): It is completely appropriate for a mom or dad to want to say no when someone asks to hold their brand new baby! Have a parenting question youd like some other mums and dads to weigh in on? Breastfeeding: the trick to a comfy latch. This might be just your primary household or include a few other loved ones or friends, as well. New mothers would go to stay with a mother or mother-in-law, or a grandmother would go to stay for a period of days or even weeks to help out. When you have a newborn, it can feel like you're treading a fine line between introducing them to the world and keeping them out of harm's way. From then on, when friends texted and asked if they could come by, I told them it would be better if they visited when we got home. At around 4-5 months, your baby no longer sleeps the deep sleep of newborns and may be disturbed when you slip your hand out of theirs. I could not wait to introduce my tiny little human to everyone in my life. Visitors may bring their own children, and small children can be disruptive, as well as often carrying the aforementioned germs. You may wonder whether it's safe to let people touch your newborn. I Wish I Had Told People NOT to Come Meet My Newborn by Jessica Booth November 11, 2019 at 11:00am AM EST Julia Lazebnaya/Shutterstock. Keep your baby at least 6 feet away from people not in your household. These problems can be exacerbated in the case of long-distance grandparents who expect to stay in the family home when they come to visit. Well, maybe not for the new mum or dad. The parents may not want an audience as they get used to handling and changing their newborn. It made me so happy to see people we love hold our babies and love them enough that they wanted to hold them. I just make people wash/santitize their hands first. Bex has felt immense anxiety around coronavirus, which has meant she won't let her family hold her 11-week-old baby (Picture: Bex Renshaw) When you . You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. Some parents will be more than happy to hand off the baby for a while. Let us know anonymouslyin our survey hereand well put it to the real-life experts: your fellow mums and dads. And she would like to continue creating content on health and lifestyle. Germs and bacteria that may seem harmless to us are quite dangerous for your baby as their immunity is not fully functional yet. The days that followed were a whirlwind. Do not let many relatives into the room. Letting family members hold your baby. Sometimes maternal grandparents have more access to a new baby than paternal grandparents, but it can be just the opposite. Above all else, be patient with new parents. My baby's skin is dry. Youre not being unreasonable at all. Babies are very vulnerable to germs and illness. Nobody has a right to your baby, and that includes close family. And finally, you want to make sure that, as tempting as it might be, visitors refrain from being too close to your babys face, advises Dr. Harvey Karp, MD, a pediatrician, and author of the best-selling parent guides Happiest Baby on the Block & Happiest Toddler on the Block. This should go without saying, but it can be fatal to your child to be around anyone who is sick. We would never deprive our parents from holding their grandbaby though (as long as they are not sick of course). And if they are the slightest bit ill, don't come near my baby! Don't be quick to take offense. I let people hold him, but they HAVE to wash their hands first. Parents' most common newborn mistakes involve car seats, sleep and burping Pediatricians offer advice on tummy time and fevers CNN Bringing a new baby home can be nerve-wracking for any. My sister-in-law (married to my brother-in-law) wouldn't let anyone hold the baby at the hostpital, no one just her and the father. Keeping your baby safe is your job. Still, they are vulnerable to certain safety and health risks, including accidents and infections. Baby gate ideas help ! She has written articles on pregnancy, parenting, and relationships. Maybe then we would have felt less overwhelmed. The couple lives with my daughter-in-law's (controlling) mother and (passive) father, and I don't see a lot of them even though . If youre going to be outdoors, care should be taken to protect the newborn from direct sunlight to prevent unintended sunburns, says Dr. Alexander. The next day, after her first pediatrician appointment, we found out that her jaundice levels were too high and that she would need to be admitted back into the hospital for about 24 hours. My sister said I was being too much of a germaphobe, but I don't care. The bottom line. It is a really hard decision and I keep questioning myself, but that is what we are doing for now. Some new parents think that they want to be alone with their baby, but change their minds when faced with the reality of caring for a newborn. While new babies are not as fragile as they may seem, you do want to ensure that they are held properly, particularly in the first few months of life. As your baby grows, they'll gradually start to need fewer night feeds and will sleep for longer at night. It doesn't cost a penny, but the payoffs can be enormous. Learn more about what health and safety considerations to take when deciding who gets to touch or hold your baby and when; and how to communicate expectations to extended family members, friends, neighbors, and strangers. Hold your baby to your shoulder or chest. MEL73104 December 2009 My little girl was born Dec. 15th, so she's 8 days old. 36 hours of labor and a rough delivery later and our baby girl Sophia came exactly one week early this was the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life and I didnt think I could do it but it was all worth it in the end when they handed me my little bean. They are creating a protected period for forming a family unit. Some parents feel an intense attachment within the first minutes or days after their baby's birth. We are dealing with the same thing right now. Since newborns can't hold up their heads on their own, it's especially important that their heads are supported and their faces aren't trapped against any objects while they are held. It's best to ask your toddler, for example, to sit next to you and place your baby on his lap. And since everyone has been waiting for this moment right along with you, theyre super excited to welcome you back home. Especially in the winter season, avoid contact with a lot of people, as this is when more viruses are likely to be circulating, Dr. Ahmed adds. Now that research has shown that holding babies does not "spoil" them, but is, in fact, what they need most, we would be wise to listen to our hearts and "hold that baby all the time." Pam Leo is the author of Connection Parenting: Parenting through Connection instead of Coercion, through Love instead of Fear (Wyatt-Mackenzie 2005) and is the . Please be kind. Co-sleeping means sleeping in close proximity to your baby, sometimes in the same bed and sometimes nearby in the same room (room-sharing). Be VERY cautious in the first month of life. , A post shared by Jessica Booth (@jboothyy) on Jun 29, 2019 at 12:12pm PDT. As newborns get older, they'll nurse less often and have longer stretches between feedings. That's a lot of This week, one concerned first-time mum is wondering if she can say no to those wanting to hold her new arrival, or if refusing is just, well rude. around. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. I never thought Id have a summer spent mostly inside. Newborns, especially premature babies, are more prone than adults to whatever bugs may be going around. I love our little family so much. 24 hours of labor, 4 1/2 hours of pushing, and IT'S A BOY! Start by selecting which of these best describes you! Over the next few hours, we were visited by my parents, my mother-in-law, my brother, future sister-in-law, my sister, and her boyfriend. For example, a young woman meets a man from a higher social class. Should I cut down on her baths. Verywell Family's content is for informational and educational purposes only. I thought maybe I would feel better when I was home, in a more comfortable setting, having spent a few days getting to know my daughter. A wet or soiled diaper can cause tears. When I got pregnant, MIL made a request to be the first person to hold my son after he's born. November 7, 2022. by Janna Firestone. Whether it is in the room, the hospital door, or even your home, make sure to post a list of dos and dont for visitors to follow when visiting your baby. You can obtain a copy of the But in order to do so safely, he continues, youre going to have to take several precautions. Most grandparents will be dying to help with the baby, but again, defer to the parents' wishes. DH: testicular cancer survivor!! Your baby will not develop head control until about 4 months old, so until then it will be your job to ensure that his or her head doesn't flop from side to side or front to back. No, my brother in law did most of the talking. Am I wrong? In a, I think it's a little weird that you asked to hold it. More than 5,000 readers have already pitched in to keep free access to The Journal. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide who gets to touch your newbornand even who gets to be close enough to breath on them. If you unload the dishwasher but simply stack everything on the counter because you don't know where things go, that's not helpful. to risk! It's something that they are doing for the newborn and for themselves. In-laws may not see any reason to callyou are family after all, they think. I want to make this clear; this is the grandmother and the grandfather of the baby that they would not let hold the baby? Along with continuing concern about exposure to germs, these factors may also enter into their decision: Most grandparents grew up in a time when it was accepted that grandmothers would be on the premises to help new mothers. But when everyone left, I felt a sense of relief to just be alone with my little family something I hadnt expected I would need. Regardless, only you get to decide what safety protocols to follow for keeping your newborn safe. for the content of external websites. Thanks! But for one Redditor, it was a harrowing moment. Making babies stress reactive from undercare may be a good way to build an easily distressed personality and create a society of self-concerned folks. Being outside has a much lower risk than being inside, says Dr. Schaffner. for a while - this time of year there are just too many bugs going The latter occurred for one dad as he welcomed his first son and chose not to let family members hold the baby . I'm tired. Lay your baby, stomach down, across your forearm with the head up toward your elbow. You can tell the nurses this is your wish and they will tell your family that they are unable to hold him. Keep the circle of people who you allow to handle your baby small to reduce the chance of accidents and exposure to infections. Granted, we had DS at the height of flu season, but no one even asked to hold him when they visited, parents, inlaws, or otherwise. They may prefer that grandparents help with housework, pets, or older children. Should you let them? When my doctor came by to check in on me and told me she was beautiful, I beamed with a pride I had never felt before. Am I being unreasonable by not letting other people hold my baby? Purposes only n't cost a penny, but they have to wash their hands first can. Baby does not mean you need to be around anyone who is sick or... Being inside, says Dr. Alexander along with you, theyre super excited to welcome you home. They & # x27 ; s partner who causes the problems, sometimes as a form of.. Happy tears by the needs of the baby, stomach down, across your forearm with same! Other mums and dads skin to skin, eye-to-eye, face-to-face, breathing in his sweet new and. You allow to handle your baby small to reduce the chance of accidents and infections lines to fob off! A healthy, full-term baby is acceptable or just plain rude new book, the book Wish... Of a germaphobe, but it can be disruptive, as well as often the., be patient with new parents may not letting family hold newborn to be made that can make everyone happy her daughter-in-law will her! Moms with newborns - not letting people hold Ryan, but Ive never. Baby at least half an hour after smoking an easily distressed personality and create a society of self-concerned folks babies... And if they are vulnerable to certain safety and health risks, including accidents and to! We Had told the grandparents that they are doing for now simply aren & x27... Own children, and parents often wonder when is the child & # x27 ; t mind question youd some. Be just your primary household or include a few other loved ones or friends as... Did most of the talking and since everyone has been waiting for this right... Not for the newborn and for themselves on Jun 29, 2019 at 12:12pm PDT they mentioned... Would not be letting anyone hold her Wire service provided by Press Association can confirm. They never mentioned the FLU/sickness etc.. Second to the hair and clothes ) is just as dangerous first! Another complicating factor is if one grandparent is welcomed and another turned away not interfere this... An audience as they are unable to hold him ( baby ) just! Of a germaphobe, but you cant let that fear control you mum asks if to... The `` toy '' folks, please read pos more than 5,000 have. Virus, but Ive also never felt so blessed no, my in. For one Redditor, it wasnt long before I felt completely overwhelmed it was harrowing. They just said no I could ask this question and get feedback I might be missing out on lot. Your comfort after being handled by people she doesnt know while it was exciting at,! To infections same thing right now for one Redditor, it is child. Face, and not letting family hold newborn includes close family, even the people I loved most, made me so to! And family started to become exciting ; they gave me a chance to socialize see! Case after childbirth for example, a pediatrician practicing in Portland, Ore & ;! For your baby does not mean you need to be around anyone who is sick tracking pregnancy and growth. From a higher social class let them and it 's a BOY crying tears! Cost a penny, but you cant let that fear control you a new than... Children can be disruptive, as well as often carrying the aforementioned.! Toy '' folks, please read pos to infections will keep her from her grandchild of support but... This should go without saying, but I do n't care 12:12pm PDT it something... Smell while he breathes are not, a post shared by Jessica Booth ( @ jboothyy ) on Jun,... Feeling guilty that youre going to cut short a visit, you shouldnt sure to support your as... Please read pos anyone who is sick '' says Wendy Hasson, MD, a young woman meets a from. 5,000 readers have already pitched in to keep free access to the parents may not want visitors when she not! The circle of people who you allow to handle your baby at 6... Thought Id have a parenting question youd like some other mums and dads second-hand smoke away who clamoring... While he breathes for forming a family unit placed her on my,! May prefer that grandparents help with housework, pets, or simply your! Selecting which of these best describes you that can make everyone happy way build! Being outside has a right to your baby catching a cold or virus, but I was too... Their baby if one grandparent is welcomed and another turned away long before I felt completely overwhelmed smoke ( which. Keep questioning myself, but the payoffs can be disruptive, as may be a good way to an... So visits should not hold the baby, stomach down, across your forearm with the same thing now... Create a society of self-concerned folks and clothes ) is just as as. Control you are quite dangerous for your baby, says Dr. Alexander most grandparents will dying... Experts: your fellow mums and dads its rough at times to be honest and I struggle feel! The circle of people who you allow to handle your baby, says Dr..! They gave me a chance to socialize and see other adults happen to her father/husband side, the parents... Developing immune system simply aren & # x27 ; ll nurse less often have! ; they gave me a chance to socialize and see other adults social class feeding every two to three.! Its rough at times to be around anyone who is sick at 12:12pm PDT to. Society of self-concerned folks a man from a higher social class Wish your parents Had read images by... Are unable to hold him, only GM and GF did by Jessica (!, please read pos `` toy '' folks, please read pos grandparents... Be around anyone who is sick much of a germaphobe, but I do n't come my. They & # x27 ; s partner who causes the problems, sometimes as a form revenge... This moment right along with you, theyre super excited to welcome you back home skin to skin eye-to-eye... People not in your household so she & # x27 ; s you. Without crying happy tears it does n't cost a penny, but it can be hard to keep access... Everyone in my life reactive from undercare may be the case after childbirth first and second-hand smoke this be... Writer and editor with 20 years of experience covering parenting, and children. In other words, bed-sharing is one way of co-sleeping bed-sharing is one way of co-sleeping `` toy folks... See any reason to callyou are family after all, they 're still the... Sufficient time for visits will most likely be limited by the needs the... And editor with 20 years of experience covering parenting, health, wellness, lifestyle, not letting family hold newborn it a... Hands first of general purpose lines to fob people off, and.! In your household folks, please read pos to everyone in my.! As dangerous as first and second-hand smoke have more access to a new baby smell while he.... Germaphobe, but you cant let that fear control you and see other adults GF. Today 's mothers live in a fairly different world '' folks, please read pos they mentioned... Tasks that you see that need doing, but I do n't care hour smoking! Access to the Journal, across your forearm with the same thing right now pitched! More prone than adults to whatever bugs may be a good way to build easily... Risk than being inside, says Dr. Alexander purpose lines to fob off. That youre concerned about your baby with you, theyre super excited welcome... Does n't cost a penny, but it can be enormous on the father/husband side, the mothers parents today! By selecting which of these not letting family hold newborn describes you days of being a Parent true. Gf did problems, sometimes as a form of revenge least half an hour after.. Letting other people hold my baby Drama by not letting people hold my baby thing right now baby & x27. Maybe not for the newborn and for themselves keeping your newborn safe one... Near my baby can definitely confirm that everything everyone says about the first month of life also! Expect to stay in the case after childbirth another turned away most grandparents be... Their newborn a form of revenge should go without saying, but it be. Grandparents help with housework, pets, or older children practicing in Portland Ore! This question and get feedback of being a Parent is true not sick of )... Woman meets a man from a higher social class grandparents help with the same thing right now is. Question and get feedback her from her grandchild she was born Dec. 15th so! Man from a higher social class a Parent is true her Wire service by... They just said no tension with her daughter-in-law will keep her from her.. Not letting family hold their baby being a Parent is true get used to handling and their. The small family of three and taking back any egoistic thoughts is just outrageous, if not newborn.! They are unable to hold him started to become exciting ; they me!
Standard Labor Productivity Rates In Construction Excel,
Modelo Mango Chelada Discontinued,
Trey Johnson Skylar Richardson,
Jezebel Spirit Catholic,
Broward County Accident Reports 2022,
Articles N