I'm so honored that you've found us! I told my husband I wanted to buy an expensive blender, he said we don't need an expensive blender. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets. This makes you appreciate the other person more when you do spend time with them. But jokes aside, the domestic violences and abuse are at an all time high, and victims have very few recourses. These are all hilarious. My wife's favorite spatula for I don't know20 years broke on me this morning. Hey Pandas, What Are Some Of Your Favorite Dad Jokes? 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Doesn't the house, the kids and pets belong to both spouses? ". JUST LEAVE THE GROCERIES ON THE DOORSTEP.Wife: let me in the fucking house. My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say dont worry about it, just come home but instead I said dont forget the ice.. [lying in bed] Me: hope I can get to sleep. *me following my husband from room to room telling him everything Ive just learned about penguins*. Justin is a photo editor at Bored Panda. If you thought marriage was a big commitment, it doesn't even compare to the commitment of sharing a quarantine during a global pandemic. Husbands love to say, "I empty the dishwasher all the time!" So I get this. Note: this post originally had 62 images. Me: 28 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (Feb. 22 - March 7) Kelsey Borresen March 7, 2022, 4:27 PM Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. I'd say that's a plus. My husband hasnt turned his TV off in 2 months but hes gonna gripe at me for not turning out a light when I leave the room, yeah okay. I needed this laugh today. Wife: I told you I watched a YouTube video. Here's 16 of the most hilarious tweets about living with your spouse through 2020 and into 2021. Bday is on 21 dec. My wife successfully made me stop doing that. I would not be able to handle quarantine if I was. What are you supposed to do when you're stuck in your home because of a global pandemic and there is a nest of birds having babies right outside your home, not throw the birds a baby shower? These are hilarious! I do all the cooking/cleaning as my lady just has no skill in the field..she made a great adult film actress though! Overblowing their own contributions to the household is how they cope with definitely not contributing enough to the household. Wife: no. My wife didn't order anything from Amazon yesterday so the UPS guy knocked on our door to see if we're okay. Steve Trevio adds to his comic reputation as "America's favorite husband" through his fifth stand-up special, I Speak Wife. Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Accidentally forgot to pat my husbands butt when he bent over today and he spent the entire day thinking I was mad at him. ), the infamous year 2020 ran it through the ultimate test. (she comes in to look, a bottle of sea salt magically appears right next to the paprika). @simoncholland, In 34 years on this planet, Ive learned one very important lesson that Im going to pass on to you fellas. And. And I think the reality for many has been a far cry from that.. You cannot eat her fries, -commercial break- Please use high-res photos without watermarks. Commiserate with fellow parents by posting funny parent tweets on Twitter, of course! She has a dynamic set of experiences from advertising, academia, and journalism. Read on for the in-depth interview. My wife asked me if she had any annoying habits and then got all offended during the power point presentation. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, Woman Buys Ex-Hoarder's Home With All Of Their Belongings, Spends 4 Years Cleaning When Relatives Start Demanding Heirlooms They Didn't Want, 50 Times Signs Were So Funny, People Had To Share Them On This Facebook Page, "An Entitled Mother Insists That I 'Share' My Nintendo Switch With Her Child On My Flight", AITA? email: superiorspellhome@gmail.com WhatsApp +27730886631 Website:superiorspellhome.webnode.com and contact him if you have a lover that you really, I don't know about all these people, but I LOVE that I get to spend more time with my husband. when they've done it once. Either that or the brownies were so bad that she couldn't even take the time to walk into the other room to tell her husband how bad they were. Note: this post originally had 150 images. Finally, Dan pointed out that there is a romantic upside to spending some time apart. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Most of us have stayed home full-time for many months. He was fascinated with visual arts and arts in general for as long as he can remember. Me: I have no say in the matter. Stories about the struggles of being a parent make for some of the funniest tweets on the Internet.. In December of 2021, the CDC shortened the recommended self-isolation period after contracting COVID-19 to 5 days in most cases. Which one of these tweets about marriage is your favorite? My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer. Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Conspiracy Theory? @kentwgraham, Marriage is just texting each other Do we need anything from the grocery store? a bunch of times until one of you dies. Otherwise it's just an idea of yours, not a fact. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. And do I really have to live with this person forever? during the quarantine. there's nothing wrong with her but she just realized our new home is 70 miles away from the nearest target. A huge fan of literature, films, philosophy, and tabletop games, he also has a special place in his heart for anything related to fantasy or science fiction. Her current mission is to find a magic formula for how to make ideas, news, and other such things spread like a virus. After finishing high school, he took a gap year to work odd jobs and try to figure out what he wanted to do next. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Lots of funny stuff here! Copyright 2023 Distractify. 2. My husband recognizes that I am now working AND guiding two kids through school work. If you're quarantined with the person you've vowed to be with "'til death," you might relate to these tweets way too much. But of course there are times his chewing annoys me too. My husband: peacefully sleeping looking like an angel. I cant take my husband to IKEA because he uses their computers for designing couches to make sectionals that spell POOP.. Had to fake an injury to get out of doing some of these chores Ive been telling my wife I would do as soon as I had the time. Wives go to great lengths not to appear in their husbands' meetings. So congrats, I guess. Wife (to kids): Wait till your father comes home!! Husband, Oh, I got you one yesterday. my wife asked me what sounds good for dinner? so I said I dunno, what sounds good to u? and she responded Im up for whatever and now its been a week and were slowly dying of hunger. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Express your thoughts and feelings. Is that a threat? When boxes arrive from Amazon I just tell my husband theyre Christmas presents for him and he doesnt ask questions. WHY ARE YOU BREATHING SO LOUD? Accept your limitations and find ways to go around them instead of beating yourself up. You had me at making her a grilled cheese. M: will you please just take medicine?? Come on. If affection and intimacy decline too far, both people will naturally start to feel more irritable and frustrated, which can lead to arguments, blaming and unloving behavior.. My husband is having "craft night" with my mother in a few hours and when I asked if I could come he paused and then said, gently, "we'd really rather you didn't.". 10. my husband took my kids upstate for the weekend so I could have time to write, and it took me exactly ONE day to revert to my single self. If you think a 2-year-old can't be mean to a grown adult, you don't know what you're talking about. So, I hope that the men who are experiencing relationship problems during the Covid-19 pandemic are learning what they can to improve their relationship and avoid a breakup or divorce when society goes back to normal, Dan told Bored Panda. My wife: Its been really nice. What use is a husband, if you cant talk about every single thing that pops into your head at every given moment for the entire quarantine? Sign up with your email address to receive news and updates. Me: Read on for 25 relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement. Comparing yourself to some perfect, constantly-energetic, ultra-motivated version of yourself does more harm than good. pic.twitter.com/eMfnRO7q01, Wife: What movie should we watch?Me: That depends. Everyone knows that marriage has its ups, its downs, and its in-betweens. We had a good run. I wrote them for Valentines Day but they are funny enough to make you laugh all year long. Like why isnt there one with a husband and wife and the wife chokes violently on her spit and the husband gets alarmed they spend a good 5 mins with her coughing and him smacking her on the back and then the mood is gone so they go get donuts? We all have things about our partners that annoy us, but chewing is so fundamental. That means someone dies every 2 minutes from COVID. I hope you enjoy and visit often! We hold major institutions accountable and expose wrongdoing. Wife: Is that what you are going to wear? The relationship expert said that he hopes there wont be a divorce boom once the quarantine is over and were all back to normal. Please check link and try again. Does that mean I have to do that thing he likes? 2017-2023 The Super Mom Life. After 3 days]: Marriage or a long-term relationship can be quite funny at times. This is a cocktail that, when laid out in a Twitter post, makes a perfect comedy nugget and wisdom bite all at once. 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